when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
