ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
