is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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