He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
