I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
birth control should be required to get into college
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
