with your own penis?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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