Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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