I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
His nipple licking is glorious
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