Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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