dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
