remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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