If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize