I need help removing her.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
