Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
