That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
