It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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