Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
