I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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