i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My life is pants optional.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
