we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
