Im at strip club and am horny
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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