Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
