I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
