In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
