T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
