I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
