Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
