there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
