I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
