Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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