Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I smell stomach acid.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
