My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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