I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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