Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Success! We fucked roommates!
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
