wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
