I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
