Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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