i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
