dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
