I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize