yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
