I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
