i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
