i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
