My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
