please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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