If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize