no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
