Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
