That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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