that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
