Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
