Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
