I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
