He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
