you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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