I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
