I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
