but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
