i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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