Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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