yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
