And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
