i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
