Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
