I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
