I like to think it a success when the cops are called
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize